I’m Just Not That Into Vacationing With You

Time.com recently published an article, Is It Healthy for Couples to Travel Apart? Being a 40-something, self-proclaimed serial dater, doesn’t make me an expert. However, I have been half of a couple on several occasions including a marriage and I would have to give separate vacations “two-thumbs up!” Serial dater? Yep. It’s a little term I coined after getting divorced. It’s a bit clinical sounding, not as cheeky as “cougar” and certainly not as Liz Taylorish passé as divorcée.

The author recounts the merriment she experienced on her first vacation without the log-sawing-middle-of-the-bed-sleeping-live-in boyfriend. I’ve always been a little leery of the first vacation WITH a boyfriend. I’ve never been in a live-in deal. It sounds very much like a  co-op. What’s the difference, really? Anyway, many a friend, both male and female have shared tales of the long-term-live-in love first vacation. There were lots of unhappy endings and not a lot of glass slippers. People break-up after vacation.

Hear me out. You and your “Boo” are living the day to day. Running the routine. Sleep. Wake. Sex. Work. Gym. Dinner and TV simultaneously. Sleep. That’s Monday through Thursday. Friday may vary a bit. Sleep. Wake. Sex. Work. Happy Hour. Eat out. Sex. Sleep. On the weekend perhaps throw in a movie, Saturday Night Live or get together with friends. Wash, rinse and repeat.

One year later the two of you decide to take a vacation together. I’m not talking about a day trip. I’m talking about 7 or more days somewhere else with activities not readily or regularly found in your neighborhood, let alone your native land. By the third day and umpteenth umbrella drink your Muskrat love is reminiscent of a bad date on “Love Connection”.

I decided to look up the etymology of vacation. I found an answer on the Online Etymology Dictionary. Vacation is a Latin derivative of vacationem which means “leisure, a being free from duty”.  Free from duty!! That means freedom from the gentle-elbow-shove-so-he-can-stop-snoring-duty. That means freedom from the middle-of-the-night-blanket-tug-o-war-I’m-freezing-and-sleeping-on-the-edge-of-the-mattress duty. That means freedom to play golf, then frisbee golf and then watch the golf channel while relaxing eating a bucket of hot wings chased down with a yard of beer if you want to. That means freedom to go shopping, and sip chardonnay at a bistro.  Ladies, I don’t really need to expound on that one do I?

I have happily married friends as well as long-term live-in friends who vacation apart. It’s OKAY! They would tell you it gives each of them new stories to share with each other at dinner and bedtime. A 168-hour hold can be a relationship boost and a personal refresher. You know what I mean?

I am not saying that you should never vacation with your sweetie. But…it’s okay if you don’t.



  1. Whenever I get the chance, I vacation apart. Lately, that has meant a professional workshop weekend, or the occasional weekend trip to NYC with a girl friend. I love both. Being alone (YES, YES, YES) And a trip with a BFF. You’d be amazed at how totally weird folks think Vacationing alone or with a friend other than your mate. (“What? you’re out here by yourself?, without your boyfriend, hubby, fill in the blank?”) Why yes I am, damn it, and I love it! Love my boo and baby boo too, but love my time alone to just …Ahhhhh… Good post So Sharon!

  2. 🙂

  3. I like this! Sounds like something my grandma says, you need your own life. Its OK to do things apart, you did things apart before you met him didn’t you? She’s good for funny little wisecracks of advice.

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